Growing up in the Midwest in the 1970s, bullying was one of the worst things a kid could do. My father made it clear that bullying was cowardly, and if someone bullied me, I should fight back. He used to say bullies were like kangaroos—if you hit back, they would stop. While I’ve never found proof that kangaroos behave this way, the message stuck with me. It gave me the courage to stand up for myself.

Today, things feel very different. Bullying isn’t just tolerated—it’s often celebrated. Take the case of Representative Nancy Mace, who introduced a bill to ban transgender people from using bathrooms that match their gender identity. It was widely seen as an attack on Representative-elect Sarah McBride. Mace was applauded by politicians like Marjorie Taylor Greene and Speaker Mike Johnson and received a standing ovation at a conservative event.

But this behavior isn’t limited to one political group. When Greene insulted Democratic Representative Jasmine Crockett’s appearance, Crockett fired back with her own insult—and the moment went viral. She even sold merchandise featuring the quote. What would once have been a serious conflict became a pop culture moment.

These and many other examples show how common meanness and personal attacks have become, especially toward immigrants, academics, and government officials. They’ve become part of the norm.

Problem #One: Cultural Shift Has Normalized Bullying at Work

To make my point, I will use the shift in television themes regarding bullying behavior. Neil Postman, author of Amusing Ourselves to Death, said, “Television is our culture’s principal mode of knowing about itself.” He argued that the medium of TV favors entertainment over substance, turning even serious subjects into performance. George Gerbner (founder of cultivation theory) wrote, “Television is not a window on the world; it is a world in itself.”
Gerbner believed that television doesn’t just reflect reality — it constructs a specific and often distorted version of it, particularly through the repetition of certain themes. If that is true, television also reflects how our society has changed regarding its approach to bullying.

In the 1970s, bullying was not as prevalent. For example, MASH’s Margaret Houlihan expressed a moral superiority as she snitched on doctors for pranks and insubordination. She said, “You may think this is all a joke, but I will report you to command if you compromise this unit again. Her bullying was the equivalent of a hall pass monitor.” Bullying on 1970s TV was mostly limited to a clever game with quips like Fred Sanford’s “Your mother’s so ugly, she had to sneak up on a glass of water just to get a drink!”.

By the 1980s, it was a little more direct and mean-spirited. Louie De Palma from Taxi often belittled and mocked drivers over the intercom. He once said, “You’re late, you smell like salami, and you still think you have a shot with Elaine? Dream on, Romeo.” But it was clear to viewers watching Taxi that Louie was overcompensating for something, and no one was really afraid of him.

However, in the 2000s, the portrayal of bullying on TV changed. Perry Cox on Scrubs called J.D. “Newbie” for years, often followed by withering rants. On one episode, he said, “You’re like a young girl’s retainer — you make me sick, and you’re expensive to replace.” 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy used backhanded compliments and threats of demotion to control Liz. “Lemon, you’re my third-favorite subordinate. That’s a compliment. There are only four of you.” Later, Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation appeared to undermine his team’s enthusiasm for work intentionally. He was quoted as saying, “I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.” His coworker, April Ludgate, told another, “I made you a mixtape. It’s just 40 minutes of me hating you.” Over the past 20 years, bullying behavior has been shown as something that people in power typically do, and it is considered acceptable, if not funny.

Despite the increased use of bullying in TV shows, the writers still knew it was important that their characters were not confused with sociopaths. The writers would show periods of vulnerability and genuine care for their coworkers to keep the viewers engaged. As often happens in Hollywood, writers repeated the same formula and have done so for decades. This formula suggests that, although funny to many, bullying is not 100% acceptable.

Problem #Two: The Disconnect at Work

The writers of the TV show examples were born between 1934 and 1970. As members of the Generation X and Baby Boomer generations, they received a very different message about bullying than Millennials and Generation Z from their parents and teachers.

The disconnect between the two messages is evident in the workplace. Like the TV writers, most executives were born between 1960 and 1975 and received very different information about bullies than their younger direct reports and counterparts, who now make up the majority of the workforce (53%).

These differences are outlined as follows.

Theme	Executive Application of Childhood Lessons	Employee Application of Modern Parenting Lessons
Response Strategy	“Stand up for yourself.” / “Hit back if needed.”	“Assert yourself with words, and seek help from authorities.”
Emotional Impact	“Sticks and stones…” — minimize feelings.	Understand the harm of verbal, emotional, and cyberbullying.
Telling Adults	“Don’t be a tattletale.”	“Always report abuse, HR has a duty to help.”
Cause of Bullying	“They’re just jealous or trying to toughen you up.”	“Bullying often stems from deeper issues in the bully’s life, but it’s not your fault.”
Conflict Framing	“It’s part of development.”	“It’s a serious issue and workplaces have a responsibility to act.”
Socialization Message	“Toughen up.”	“Empathy, communication, and boundaries are signs of strength.”
Leadership Role	Hands-off —employees should work it out.	Active involvement in advocacy and coordination within the organization.

Bullying is becoming more prevalent, and executives and the people who work for them perceive the issue very differently.

Why is managing bullying important

Workplace bullying imposes significant financial and organizational costs. The American Psychological Association estimates that U.S. businesses incur costs of up to $300 billion annually due to lost productivity, absenteeism, turnover, and healthcare expenses. Heinz Leymann found that a single bully can cost an organization up to $100,000 per year per targeted employee.

Bullying also leads to increased mental health issues and a 26% rise in certified sick leave among affected employees. Organizationally, bullying drives turnover—25% of targets and 20% of witnesses leave their jobs—and can result in costly legal settlements. Not only is bullying morally reprehensible, bullying is also expensive.

What Can Be Done

Helping our clients create anti-bullying interventions often takes time. However, there are a few themes that may help.

Action Item One: Screen Out Bullies Before Hiring

In 2008, I was inspired to create a scale that would predict whether someone was a bully after seeing the emotional impact of a bully on a participant in my critical thinking workshop. Initially, I used a combination of three scales to predict sociopathic tendencies, but later realized that not all bullies are sociopaths. Since then, I have added scales on aggression and ego strength to improve predictability. Because a bully does not admit to bullying behavior in an interview, an assessment is highly useful.

The presence of a bully often leads to fear and hypervigilance even after the bully is gone. In the example earlier, the critical thinking course participant still experienced high anxiety even though the bully was fired from their company over a year earlier. As a result of this residual anxiety, a reference check may not reveal a bully because they still fear repercussions. However, the victim of a bully often knows someone likely to tell the truth, even if they are afraid to speak. Asking the reference for a reference is one way to get to a truth teller.

The least effective way is to ask about bullying in the interview. Questions like, “How do you motivate poor performers?” or “Have you ever had to be aggressive to toughen up a direct report?” may provide some insights. However, it is more likely than not that a bully candidate will lie.

Action Item Two: Document the Behavior

If a bully has managed to get past your screening process, it is essential to document the bullying behavior. Documenting must be objective and factual, even though most bullying incidents are emotionally laden. A good guide is:

Date and time of each incident
Location
Names of people involved, including witnesses
Exact words or actions used (quote if possible)
Impact on your work, emotions, or health (e.g., “I was unable to focus for the rest of the day.” or “I had to take sick leave.”)

Last month, while discussing a bully, the director of HR showed me a well-documented example: March XX, 2025, 2:15 PM — During the _____ meeting in Conference Room B, John Smith said, “You’re the dumbest person on this team, how did anyone think it was a good idea to promote you,” in front of the rest of the team (Employee A, B and C). I felt humiliated and struggled to concentrate for the remainder of the meeting.

Action Item Three: The Intention Question

If a bully already works for you, the key to deflecting their behavior is to use the intention question. In the documented example above, the bullied employee could have asked his boss during or after the meeting,

“What was the intention behind calling me the dumbest?”

This is an uncomfortable question for anyone to receive and may cause them to think before saying something like that again, at least in public.

I am not naive to the power difference and confronting a workplace bully who is also the boss comes with some complex dynamics. It takes courage and wisdom to know when to use this approach.

In Sum

The shift in how bullying is perceived—from a shameful act to a comedic trope—has muddied the waters in our workplaces. Generational differences have further complicated the issue, leaving younger employees expecting protection and accountability, while many senior leaders operate under outdated notions of toughness and conflict resolution. But bullying is neither harmless nor humorous—it carries real emotional, cultural, and financial consequences for individuals and organizations alike. Fortunately, we are not powerless. Through thoughtful screening during hiring, objective documentation, and carefully framed confrontations like the intention question, we can begin to inoculate against bullying behavior. It’s time we move past outdated scripts and take bullying as seriously as the damage it causes, both to people and to the bottom line.

Postscript: Sympathy For the Bully

Bullying had been a source of pain for me, both as a child and as recently as 2024, when I was bullied on the subway and punched hard enough to crack my cheekbone. However, I also feel sympathy for bullies. They often feel powerless themselves or struggle with a personality disorder (Borderline, Antisocial, or Paranoid Personality Disorders). We have all heard the adage that bullies create more bullies; that victims become perpetrators. Their circumstances, combined with poor emotional and social intelligence, lead to a miserable existence for them. Despite the moments where they appear to have the power position, I would never trade my life for theirs.

Therefore, stamping out bullying behavior not only helps the victims but also the bullies themselves. When the behavior has consequences and no longer provides a reward, it is more likely to inspire them to seek interpersonal change and begin maturing as they should have done when they were of school age.